Our best Christmas yet

Merry Christmas! I can’t believe 2013 is almost over! I remember last Christmas being pregnant with Mac. I was holding out, only wearing scrubs and pjs and my mother-in-law had sent me some money to buy cute clothes that actually fit. I was so excited to wear them out for Christmas activities!

Well, we obviously didn’t anticipate Mac’s first Christmas to be in Children’s hospital. Today I told Mac that this has been our best Christmas yet. Why? Because he is here with us. He brings me pure happiness. I love being a mom sooo much more than I could have ever imagined. And I love Mac more than I knew was possible. I was actually really nervous when I was pregnant if I would like being a mother. I hated being pregnant so much that I wasn’t sure if I could be a good mom. Now I just die to be with him, to dance with him, to read to him, to take him on walks and outings… he’s my bestest buddy. Watching him grow and fight cancer inspires and excites me for his future.

He is learning so fast right now! He pulls himself up in his crib, he shows his muscles, he dances, he turns pages in books, he even growls when we ask what the tiger says! I feel sooo blessed to be his mom mom. He loved opening presents today. I loved watching him. I loved being together.

Mac is doing pretty good. His ANC numbers are very low. The last fours days they have been… 0, 9, 10 and 10 again today. That just means he has almost no immune system. He’s had two blood transfusions and platelets three times. He’s had some blood in his poop so they changed his platelet parameters to keep them higher. (platelets help your blood to clot) They suspect mucositis-sores in his digestive tract somewhere. 🙁 He hasn’t had any fevers which is great. No word of us going home any time soon.

As Christmas approached I felt so grateful for the birth of the Savior. I find so much comfort in knowing that even though I have no idea how Mac feels as he goes through all of this, He does. He knows all of us individually and loves us perfectly. I love reading the scriptures and the Savior’s humble birth. What a miracle. It reminds me to have faith. To believe when things seem bleak and impossible. Through Him all things are possible.

I am humbled by the generosity and kindness of our family, friends, nurses, hospital staff, and strangers. This experience is changing me. It makes me dream of the day we can pay it forward for all the goodness we’ve received.

My Christmas wish to you is that you find the good in life. Find the good and soak it up. Don’t stress the sucky stuff. It will pass. Don’t live in fear. Heavenly Father made each of us in His image. You have a purpose.
Much love, Brittny