A new heart

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write my blog post for some time now. Then tonight I just watched the Stand Up 2 Cancer broadcast. I was brought to tears many times. It is still shocking to me that my baby Mac was diagnosed with AML. Something I knew almost nothing about 10 months ago, now I know all too much. I am so grateful that Mac is in remission. Even though AML is the more rare leukemia, the treatment is very standardized. This means that research has been done and they didn’t wonder how to treat Mac. The first choice we had to make before Mac could receive treatment, was if he was going to be “on study”. This would Mac a part of cancer research. I remember thinking that I’m sure there were parents who had to make this decision and because of the kids before Mac, he had a better chance. Mac was on study and I’m glad we did that. Thank you to the research and doctors that put Mac in remission. He has an incredible life ahead of him.

Slowly but surely I work on Mac’s photobook of his journey thus far. I stay up late at night reading through his medical records and arranging pictures of endless nights at the hospital. It keeps me grounded to what’s important. Which by the way, Mac is still getting the green light at his check-ups. We even returned to the pediatrician last month. His nurse and doctor got him a card and a stuffed tiger. It was bizarre to be back in that office. It brought back memories I didn’t know I had. The treatment room where we got the news, and the back door I took to go make that first phone call all had a different meaning this time. Our pediatrician was so excited to see Mac and how healthy he is now. He talked with me and tears filled his eyes. He told me that it has been his privilege to see me mother Mac, that I just exude love for him. What a kind thing to say. I really had no idea how much love I had to give. I can also say that I’m not the same person I was last September. Not even close. It’s a strange feeling when life changes you so much. My heart has been truly softened. I have more faith and more kindness. I love people in a different way now. I have more patience and a desire to get to know people’s stories. Sometimes it is difficult because if you look at Mac or at our family, you have no idea what’s been going on the last year. You have no idea how this trial has changed us and strengthened us. And that’s just it. This is going on with everyone, not just us. Everyone one is going through new experiences, good and bad everyday. It makes me treasure people. I see the world through a new light of greater charity.